Let`s meet contestant number 1
He`s a schizophrenic, serial killa clown
Who says women love his sexy smile
Let`s find out if his charm will work on Sharon
Sharon, what`s your question?

Contestant number 1, I believe, first impressions last forever
So, let`s say you were to come over to my parent`s house
And have dinner with me and my family
Tell me what you`d do to make that first impression really stick

Let`s see, well, I`d have to think about it
I might show up in a tux, ha, but I doubt it
I`d probably just show up naked like I always do
And look your mama in the eye and tell her, "F**k you"

Hurry up, bitch, I`m hungry, I smell spaghetti
I kick her in the butt and tell her, "Get the food ready"
Your dad would probably start trippin` and get me pissed
I`d have to walk up and bust him in his f**kin` lips

It`s dinnertime, we`re hearin` grace from your mother
I pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother
I`m steady starin` at your sister, I`ll tell ya this
Ya know for only 13, she got some big tits

After that, your dad would try to jump again
And only this time I`d put the 40 to his chin
After your mom does the dishes and the silverware
I`d dry f**k her till I nut in my underwear

Now, let`s meet contestant number 2
He`s a psychopathic, deranged, crack head freak
Who works for the dark carnival
He says women call him Stretch Nutz
Sharon, lets hear your question

I like a man who`s not afraid to show his true emotions
A man who expresses himself in his own special way
Number 2, if you fell in love with me
Exactly how would you let me know?

First thing, I could never love you
You sound like a little witchy bitch, f**k you
But if I did, I`d probably show you that I care
By takin` all these other mutha f**kas outta here

I`d go through your phone book and kill them all
And find contestant number 1 and break his f**kin` jaw, what?
Anyone who looked at you would have to pay
I`d be blowin` f**kin` nuggets off all day

I`d tell you that I love you, if you don`t say it back
I have to chock slam your neck and dislocate your back
I sing love songs to you, the best I can
And then I club ya in the head like a cave man

Then we go to tha beach and walk through the sand
I throw a little in your face and say, “I`m just playin`”
As you spit it all out, I rub your back
And grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack

Well, it sounds like contestant number 2
Is just overflowing with sensitivity, Sharon, it`s a tough choice so far
Sharon, let`s have your last question and see
Who`s gonna have the rights to your Neden

Ok, if we were at a dance club
And you both noticed me at the same time
Tell me, how would you each get my attention
And what would your pick up line be
Who ever`s the smoothest, wins

Ok, first, I`d slide up to the bar
And tell ya that I can`t believe how f**kin` fat you are
I`d tell you that I like the way you make your titties shake
And if you lost a little weight, you`d look like Ricki Lake

F**k that, you`d be jackin` me quick
I`d order you a drink and stir it with my dick
And then to get your attention in a crowded place
I`d simply walk up and slap you in the f**kin` face

Yeah, smack her in the mouth, yo, that`ll get her
Tell her that she`s fat, yeah, that`ll work even better
Look, f**k you, I got a strong, rap s**t
You don`t want contestant number 2, he`s mad whack

I walked into a barn and there he was
Standin` up on a bucket, uh, tryin` to f**k it
It was big, f**kin`, smelly ass, farm llama
Damn dawg, how ya gonna diss your mama?